Tag: change

  • Samhain is still Samhain (So there, COVID!)

    Samhain is still Samhain (So there, COVID!)

    Today is holy in many cultures. Here in North America, we’ve nearly lost the holiness in a mess of candy chasing and best-costume prizes. This year is different as COVID rages and people choose to — or are made to — stay home. I would have anyway (solitude is my refreshment), but I have rarely felt so deeply the need, on this day, for spiritual connection. Pandemics can do that to you.

     

    Ghosts of October 31 past grin at me from the wind storm shadows and tossing branches outside my tree-top windows. Many Hallowe’en parties, many All Hallows Eve vigils, some Dia De los Muertes (thank you Mariachi Ghost!) celebrations, some Samhain gatherings. But this is the first time I’ve watched the full moon rise and understood the meaning of the night, looked for the ending and beginning that my heritage (Irish and Catholic) teaches me. 

     

    Samhain moonrise

    My grandmothers and great-grandmothers for generations prepared in vigil for the Feast of All Saints on November 1. They would have kept, and slowly lost, the memories of an earlier time, a time when the great fire festival at Tlachtga in Meath marked the passing from the light half to the dark half of the year. 

    I imagine wandering back to Ireland, slipping into their Rosary circle, letting their prayers lead me deeper into memory, to ancient times, until we glimpse the brightness of the Samhain fire far across the island from my grandmothers’ homes. 

    “This is a momentous time in the lives of a people to whom the changing of the seasons was a matter of life and death.”

    https://www.newgrange.com/tlachtga.htm

    What did they do when they saw the beautiful light? Samhain was the end and beginning of the year, the last gifts of the precious harvest stored, the thinning of the veil between this world and otherworld, a time to honour and welcome ancestor spirits and protect from harmful spirits. There were rituals to be followed in those ancient times just as there were for my grandmother and her vigil with her ever-present Rosary, just as there are for each of us if we are willing.

    And, I think there must have been private, hidden, silent words, soft thoughts and barely articulated feelings. Whatever the ritual then or centuries later, I think they said, thank you. 

    Thank you for the promise of the sun once we’ve made it through this long darkness,
    thank you for the promise of light and new life,
    thank you for 
    this dark night to let our sadness out and watch it disappear into the dark,
    this thin veil to release the grief of the year past,
    the sorrow of unwanted goodbyes, 
    the end of things we would have held closely. 

    Things change, and we need a holy place and time to make peace with the change. Our beings rest in ritual, relax in familiar prayers. We do well when we can set aside time and prepare a particular, separate space to give thanks for change, to allow, to rest without resistance as the seasons shift, as darkness and light circle in their long dance, and as the moon rises on this holy night.

     

  • The Day it All Changed (COVID-19 Day 1)

    The Day it All Changed (COVID-19 Day 1)

    March 12, 2020.

    Yesterday, it didn’t matter very much. I took it seriously, washed my hands, did the things, but I’m old enough to remember SARS, Y2K, and AIDS. Ah. Yeah, we should have paid more attention to that one. The bar band jokes that we all laughed at and had another Guinness – well, we didn’t know. But SARS didn’t destroy the world, and Y2K didn’t even happen.

    I’m not given to panic (except about all the relatively unimportant things in life, but that’s anxiety for you), so the reports coming out of Italy, for instance, only caused me to get cleaner and be more careful.

    This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is fear-is-the-liar.jpg

    I had moments of worry about my son, already dealing with a chronic sinus infection and now dealing with chronic exhaustion from 14-hour days (and longer) on a movie crew where deadlines and money rule all, and social distance doesn’t exist. But I always have moments of worry about my son. That’s anxiety for you.

    It wasn’t until the notices started arriving in my inbox and the posters started going up today that it suddenly began to matter. There is, for instance, the slow realization of how many things we touch every day.

    One of the sanitizers, the one we all prefer because it has fewer potentially harmful ingredients and it smells like peppermint, has no pump attachment. You pick up the bottle, take off the broken cap, squeeze into your hand. You clean your hands – and then you pick up the dirty bottle with your clean hands and put it back together. Easy enough to fix – put the bottle back together before you spread the disinfectant over your hands. But it wasn’t until today, that any of us noticed our foolishness.

    We touch computer keyboards, books, desktops, craft supplies, washroom keys, pens, mouse, scanner, computer monitor, binders, drawer handles, door handles, coffee cup handles, food. So there is the path to utter disintegration.

    This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is liberate-your-mind.png

    Wait – don’t pick up that muffin. You just held your coffeecup with that hand! Yes, you washed it out. But did you thoroughly scrub the outside? Can you remember if you touched anything else after washing it? The kettle? Did you scrub the bejeebers out of the kettle handle? Cough and sneeze into your arm? And then what? How do you disinfect your sweater sleeve? What happens when you pick up an armload of files, cradle them into your germ-infested elbow? How far does this go???

    The world is already going crazy. Toilet paper! Cats everywhere are delightedly plotting access, but really? I don’t want to join the panick.

    @marneejill https://www.flickr.com/photos/rosiejuliet/40010021845

    I understood how far I had plummetted (not as far as the Toronto stock market, not yet) when my friend texted me to go to the play with her. Women of the Fur Trade, sold out, excellent, and my friend is one who is always comfortable to be with.

    Yet – I hesitated, and not just because I tore some hip muscle or other on the weekend and it’s still hard to sit! (That would be another forthcoming story. Warm-up before yoga, folks!) I thought about people packed together in the theatre, no windows, unsanitized seats and armrests, coughs.

    This is still March 12, in frozen, far-away Winnipeg. Nothing is closed yet, there are only 3 cases, and, well, SARS, our go-to fairy story about how everything turns out just fine. This will blow over, right? And the play is very good. Just yesterday, the interwebs were full of jokes about how even Covid-19 doesn’t want to come all the way to wasteland Winterpeg.

    So, I went to the play. It is as good as they said it would be. I try to not think – too much – about all the people around me, but no one is coughing. Except one of the actors.

    That turns out to be part of the plot, but she peers at us quizzically, “Nothing, I’m fine. Nothing to do with any of you.” The other actors stay in character and still manage to look nonplussed, “Oops, sorry. Nothing to do with the plot either!” We laugh and settle in to enjoy.

    Later that night, I worry, a little bit, about the reason I had the opportunity to go to the play: my friend’s husband woke up with a cold. But I know them well. If they say it’s a cold, then it’s a cold. It’s not the coronavirus, right?

    Oh, I see. Hello, anxiety. You must really like me. Please go away, k?

    [Featured Image Credit: Philafrenzy, CC BY-SA]